Mom to Mom: A Call to the Fussy Baby Network

He's crying. I'm crying. I thought this Mommy thing was supposed to be all smiles and giggles!

The Fussy Baby Network can help with this. Photo by istockphoto.My son, Aaron, was born at the end of December 2008. He was a beautiful, healthy boy.  He was born naturally, and we were discharged in two days. I wondered what the nurses and doctors were thinking discharging us with this baby that we hadn't a clue how to take care of. 

But how hard could it be? Baby cries when he's hungry - feed him. Baby cries when he's wet or soiled - change him. No one really told me that babies would not always 'sleep like a baby.'  Everyone said, "Sleep when the baby sleeps."  But, what if baby would only sleep for 30-45 minutes at a stretch? Well, I must have been doing it wrong. What a failure I was as a mother!

After driving myself insane with internet searches, parenting books and unsolicited advice, I turned to the Fussy Baby Network. The network is a program of Erikson Institute, a graduate school specializing in child development. I called (1-888-431-BABY) and left a message, trying not to sound too distraught and panicked. 

Marsha called me back within a few hours and listened to my plight. She acknowledged my difficulties and offered some great tips.  I needed a plan of action, and Marsha gave me the advice I needed to get started.  Things didn't improve dramatically, but my attitude and outlook did. It wasn't hopeless! My child would eventually sleep! Marsha gave me the tools I needed to make it to four months (the magic age when we could start sleep training, according to her).

At four months, we took Marsha's advice and went ahead with sleep training. We found a program that suited us ("The Sleepeasy Solution" - I highly recommend it!), and our lives began to resemble that of other human beings. I was able to have somewhat coherent conversations and get into a routine. Who would have thought that this child would eventually ask to take a nap and go to bed without a fuss? (On most nights ... we've had some bumps in the road like everyone does!)  

Fast forward 2.5 years, and now we have another addition to the family. Raymond was born at the end of June. Luckily, the summer sun helped my mood, and the ability to get outside was a godsend. Ray didn't seem as fussy as Aaron was, but he didn't really enjoy being put down ... ever. 

I had gotten into the habit of "baby-wearing," which I truly enjoyed. However, my body didn't find full-time baby-wearing so pleasant, and I was afraid I might need knee replacements within a few years! 

Not really sure how to tackle this issue, I called the Fussy Baby Network again. Marsha called back a few hours later. We problem-solved, came up with a plan, and I got the reassurance I so desperately needed. In a few days or so, Ray was sleeping in a supine position for some naps! 

I called back a week later when I felt a little unsure and had a few more questions. Marsha patiently listened and gave me some great feedback. With a plan in place, I felt more in control.  I think that's one of the hardest things in being a parent: This little, adorable being makes life a little out of control. Thank goodness the Fussy Baby Network gave me some tips on how to control the things I could control.  I hope other parents will find this resource as helpful as I did.  

More Info:

• http://www.erikson.edu/fbn.aspx: This is the Fussy Baby Network website.  In talking with a specialist from the Fussy Baby Network, I found out a few interesting tidbits.  The Network is completely grant-funded (primarily through the Doris Duke Charitable Foundation). They offer services to those of all income levels. The warm-line assistance service is free and can be utilized repeatedly, if needed (and I needed it!). Again, that number is 1-888-431-BABY (2229).
• The Fussy Baby Network's goals, as an organization, are primarily to: Promote healthy parent-infant interactions, help parents become more confident, and provide assistance during stressful situations. (And let’s face it, as cute as those bundles of joy are, they do cause us a little stress here and there!) There is no screening process, so don’t worry if you think “Should I call? Is my baby fussy enough for them to help me?” Anyone who needs help can get it. They offer home-visits to those that live in Cook County. 
• www.sleepyplanet.com: This site has information on the Sleepeasy Solution. They offer a book and a DVD. The DVD is a must! It has sleep plans for infants to 5 years of age, which is really great as sleep issues tend to ebb and flow as children grow (from crying to “One more book, Mommy!” to late-night visitors at your bedside).

Veronica Kernler is a speech-language pathologist who lives in Batavia with her husband and two boys. She says the best advice she ever got came from "The Sleepeasy Solution:" There are no bad habits for the first four months. Unfortunately, she says she read it about four months too late.